Home or Away? It’s hard to say…

Venue: Our pool, our time slot, but somehow, we were the away team… home advantage? Plucky away team underdogs? Hard to say…

In a rather confusing turn of events, the mighty WT Narwhals turned up to their own pool, only to find themselves the away team. Very surprisingly, there was a crowd, though no one could quite figure out who they were supposed to be supporting, resulting in a lot of half-hearted cheers, uncertain claps, and one gentleman applauding every missed pass, just to hedge his bets.

The Squad

The Narwhals rocked up with a bare-bones squad of eight players—more skeleton crew than water polo team. Enter stage left, a lone Leech in search of a training session. Whilst we were pleased to bolster our numbers, let’s just say his learning opportunities were more akin to studying a “What Not to Do” guidebook live during the game. On the other side, Beckenham turned up with what appeared to be a large section of their youth program. Fresh legs, enthusiasm… cheating? Surely an investigation is required.

First Quarter: The Finch Fiasco

Before anyone had time to get into the game, Matt Finch, fresh off a 4-major spree against Reading, decided to keep the refs busy early on. A penalty in 15 seconds? New record. By the time the whistle echo died down, it was clear Finchy was gunning for a new Christmas award… "Penalty Collector of the Year." Still, despite giving away Beckenham’s opening goal, Finch somehow balanced it out with two of his own, proving that he’s the kind of player who taketh away and giveth in equal measure. The first quarter ended 6-4 to Beckenham, with Finch sporting two goals and, yes, another major. Classic.

Second Quarter: Wibble wobble, wibble wobble

The second quarter saw the inevitable collapse of Finch’s evening. After gifting Beckenham another penalty, he sealed his fate, collecting his third major and being unceremoniously ejected from the pool. If water polo gave out Oscars for “Best Dramatic Exit,” Finchy would be a shoo-in. His “wobble” (both physical and emotional) as he exited the pool was Shakespearean in proportions. It took him a good few minutes to shuffle off, bemoaning the table, blaming the “new rules” (in place for 5 years), and threatening to go home. Likely, he was probably taking the time to calculate his pub arrival time and to console himself with the evening’s first pint. His tally for the last two games? 7 majors. What a legacy.

With Finch sidelined, the Narwhals were down to the bare minimum. An uphill battle with one flipper tied behind their back.

Third Quarter: Holding on for dear life

Despite the odds (and the manpower shortage), the Narwhals held their own. Sure, Beckenham extended their lead, but the Narwhals were not to be written off just yet. Zach scored with a lob so heavily deflected it made it look like a good shot. Meanwhile, Gary bizarrely decided not to execute his special back-post lob despite multiple opportunities. If ever there was a time…

On the other side of the pool, George exclusively occupied the 5m either side of the halfway line, clearly trying to save his energy for his next… “big swim”. Sadly, he did end up heading to Portugal that evening. It remains unclear if he knew a match was on at all.

Fourth Quarter: The Shute Show

By the final quarter, the Narwhals were running on fumes. Enter Nick Shute, who decided that if no one else was going to step up, he’d just play all the positions himself. Shute went on a rampage, scoring 4 unanswered goals with 7 in total for the game. It was less "team sport" and more "Nick Shute highlights reel," but when you’ve got that kind of form, who’s complaining?

Elsewhere, Gamble won a swim-off, stunning absolutely everyone, including himself. It was a moment of pure glory that will likely be talked about at the pub for years to come. Sure, we didn’t convert it into anything meaningful, but when did that ever matter?

Gio, who had been tirelessly toiling in the pit all game with the thanklessness of a man who feels he must play for the Narwhals, finally found his reward—a hard-earned goal with three Beckenham defenders clinging to him like barnacles on a ship’s hull. A true “moment of the match” winner if ever you saw it.

Final Score: 21-12, But Who’s Counting?

It was another “interesting” display of water polo that redefined the meaning of "scraping by". Sure, we lost 21-12, but at this point, the numbers on the scoreboard are just part of the decorative background, much like the lifeguards or tactics.

We worked hard and had some good moments in a game that could’ve been a disaster. Man of the match, of course, went to Nick Shute for his one-man goal frenzy, while Gio took “Moment of the Match” for his Titanic struggle in the pit. The coveted “Fluffer of the Match”? That went, unsurprisingly, to Matt Finch, for his epic wobble and early exit. As he made his way to the changing room, I am sure I heard him muttering something about “the refs not understanding true talent.” Frankly, if he spent as much energy on learning the rules as he did on his dramatic exit, we might have had a chance to keep Beckenham under 20 goals.

Of course, Finch’s early departure had one clear advantage: he got to the pub first and had bought everyone a pint. By the time the rest of the squad rolled in, he was already half a pint deep and deep into an impassioned speech about “reform” in water polo officiating to anyone who would listen… Big kudos to him though – with the 7 majors in 2 games, he has now more than doubled his major tally for the year… Late surge for Catas?

Until next time…

Forza Narwhali

15th October Stats