PGMOL can do one

*disclaimer, if Dave “Coote” Leach or the other Leeches ref are reading this, we are only joking and we very much appreciate your support #topicalbanter

In a hard fought game against fierce rivals Kingston, Narwhals came out on the wrong side of a 1 goal game. The brave 7 Narwhals just lost out in a 14-13 defeat, which has since been marred by allegations of corruption and bribery.

Video footage has emerged on social media of the game referees necking pints and making derogatory comments towards certain Narwhal players. The footage has not been verified by Narwhal News, however the footage appears to be in The Watchman in New Malden at 8pm and is timestamped on the day of the game. The accused parties then necked multiple jagerbombs, accepted a wod of cash from an unidentified man and left the pub. Sources from within the Narwhal community claim the unidentified man was seen in Lyme Regis, bantering Narwhal player Ed Gamble for having a wobble over the BBQ queue.

The game itself was a spectacle of poor quality water polo. Narwhals had scraped a team together, with Oggy’s attempts at a last minute pull out quashed by Captain Shute’s confirmation that he was one of the 7. So tactically we set up to keep it very tight and take any opportunity to rest in the shallow end of the pool. It certainly worked and made for a drab 1st quarter which ended 1-1.

The 2nd quarter saw Kingston take a slender 2 goal lead, winning the quarter 4-2, as defending the deep end nullified the narwhal “stand on the bottom and fight” approach. This was where first cries of foul play were heard, when a Narwhal shot smashed off the back post within the goal, only for it to be not given and Kingston counter attacked and scored.

The Narwhals fought back in the 3rd, scoring 5 and the standy up fighty defence conceding 4. All was set for a controversial final quarter. With both teams trading blows, a 1 goal lead for the Narwhals was wiped out by a Kingston shot that came off the post but was given. Protests from the pool were left unanswered, perhaps the referee not wanting to open his mouth for the fear of the smell of beer and jager. With that Kingston scored a last gasp winner, leaving the Narwhals utterly deflated, defeated and in need of a trip to Weatherspoons.

Man of the match was Oggy for some good pit work and his 4 goals. Moment was shared between Geo and Shute for 2 cross pool pass and instant shots in the final quarter to get us back in front. Geo also wins fluffer for taking the “stand on the bottom” tactic too far and launching himself into the air to try catch a ball.