The beast from the East

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There are hundreds of rivalries between Croydon and Bromley. Surrey vs Kent, Southern vs SouthEastern, Zach’s Dad vs Zach’s Mum, George Adam (current) vs George Adam (young), literally everyone vs Nigel Farrage, the list goes on and on. Somewhere on there however, is a lesser known rivalry, Narwhals vs Beckhenham, and on Wednesday the 15th of May, the two came head to head.

Beckenham IIs, with claims of a lack of pool time came in with strong numbers and a will to swim. The same could not be said from their Croydonian opponents. George Adam, reformed West Wickham resident was quoted saying “Fuck, they look good” and then licked his lips. More context for said quote could not be found. Beckenham however were 2 steps ahead, bringing a former Croydonian down to distract the team from their warm up, and keeping one Matt Finch very disinterested in actually swimming. The results of this treachery would soon show themselves.

The 1st quarter was a tight and cagey affair, not many goals to mention but narwhals seemed to be on top for the early stints. Rob grabbing the opener before Finchy turned his man in the pit and…. Oh dear. The post was twatted. No worries though, the balls back into him and he’s 1 on 1 again and…. Fucks sake Finchy. Our quarter couldn’t keep up from there, as Beckenham fought their way back in it, winning the first quarter 3-1.

As the 2nd quarter rolled over our form didn’t continue, 3 quick-fire goals extended our opponents lead but alas, some fightback. Finchy finally put one away and we started to click, George bagging one on a man-up and Shute getting one more got us back into it. 2 goals either side meant the quarter ended 8-6 to Beckenham. The words “Winnable” were being spread around. Its the hope that gets you

The 3rd quarter saw us fall apart. Beckenham were showing their fitness and willing to swim, scoring 7 pretty much all on breakaways. It was at this point where the shouts of “Stop being shit” came from the bench. The shouts falling on deaf ears were funny, but lacked effectiveness. Narwhals somehow scrapping and putting 2 goals into their opponents “un-recognised goalkeeper” defended net. Ending 15-8 after being only 2 goals down at half time was not ideal.

The last quarter was just a formality at this point. Early signs of a comeback were on as Nick grabbed 3 in a row. We’ve got a pen? Finchy’s taking it. Oh no… The comeback shouts ended as quickly as they started as Beckenham put the game to bed with 2 goals from counters as we just couldn’t keep up with them. 2 constellations from George and Gimbley made the score more respectable but a 19-13 loss once again means that the Narwhals are without a win so far this year.

Man of the Match went to George for his 3 “Goal” contributions, one of which didn’t exist during the game, and one that was more off the keepers face than the back of the net - he won’t be complaining. Moment was his first time shot into the keepers face for his second goal, a very nicely worked move overall with a finish at the end of it, cannot complain. Fluffer was almost unanimous in its appeal for big Finch, with two 1 on 1s and a pen miss, as well as a 1st quarter wobble, it was never going to go well. Seemingly in a weird trip of events, Gary, on his way from Purley to Whitgift pool, managed to end up in Lisbon. On his own out there as well gotta feel bad.

17th May Stats.pdf

Stats are being updated as we speak, with the top 3 for goals looking oddly competitive.

Nick Shute is in 1st (shock) with 37. Gamble (???) has made his way into 2nd somehow with 17, narrowly ahead of Matt Finch on 16. Rob Dickinson is eyeing up the top 3 though, with Charles closely following behind with 13 and 10 respectively.

Majors are a fairly open and shut case. Zach with 18 is ahead of the competition by a country mile. The only person in the same postcode is Rob Dickinson, doing his best Burrige impression on 11 majors, at an average of 1 per game. 2 Games without a goal and he’s there tbh.

Gimbley is all showing us how to play good polo this year, topping the man of the match awards, with Gio and Andy covering his back. The young core of the team is propping up the moments, with the current lead being held by both George and Zach with 2 each, not exactly inspiring stuff though as Zach also tops the Fluffers with 5, followed on by his father with 4. No clue where they came from but a culmination of the blame going to his father for dragging him down has been mentioned. 

No proper game this week, as blue marlin are out with a severe case of “Lack of player-itis”, so Leeches are down for a friendly. Maybe its time for our first win, only time can tell. 

Until next time, Forza Narwhali