This is what happens when you put your best player in goal

Narwhals are one of the deepest-diving whales in the world. They can descend around 6,000 feet below the surface of the water. But while Narwhals' diving abilities are widely recorded, the whales implement these skills in ways that scientists still struggle to understand.

The same could be said of this Narwhallean season. Has Croydon’s finest reached rock bottom? The table suggests so. Whilst we may be swimming 6,000 feet underwater, we’re doing it in a way no one can truly understand.

Take our latest trip to the Aquatics Centre to face an improving London Orca. A 10-3 scoreline in the first half was followed by a 6-5 win in the second. 15-9 loss full time.

When journalists pressed Comrade Smirnoff after the match, he had a resigned tone, “They shot well.” He should know what good shooting was, he scored 5. Ably assisted by Gamble. Misses from the rest of the team could have made the difference in turning round the result. More down to training, please.

Discussion post-match turned to rehabilitation. Although rehydration salts and CBD scored well amongst players as appealing options, lager was recognized to be fundamental to any rehabilitation process.

When scientists are researching why the Narwhals swim to the bottom of the ocean/table, they could consider the availability of cold Czech hydration down there. Crisp and refreshing, it probably isn't performance-enhancing for these struggling Narwhals.

Next up Beckenham. Will the Narwhals defeat the team who don’t even have a pool? Don't worry, either way, the post-match hydration should be tasty.

Forza Narwhali

Any other business

- Geo went continental

- Man of the match: A tie: Nick, Ed, Geo and a vote for Ron whoever that is.

- Moment: George swim off win, priceless.

- Fluffer: Mickey - sorry dude, you ain’t Frankie, bang them in mate.